This Week Was Awesome Because… (Vol. 1.2)

1. On Sunday, I saw Rufus Wainwright live with my mom and it was amazingcakes. He’s a million times better live, he’s also hilarious, and if we were not both gay, he would be my husband.

2. I researched and wrote my entire first draft of my research paper on Wednesday because the first draft was due THURSDAY. It was supposed to be 12-15 pages long. I wrote 14.

   Showed up to class on Thursday and was the only person who had written more than seven pages. Sigh.

3. Yesterday I spent an hour on Omegle, trying to see if anybody on there WASN’T a creeper. I had a few epic exchanges. As I may make a more extensive post here with more, here’s a small preview:

   You: Do you like goldfish?
   Stranger: yeah
   You: Aren’t they delicious?
   Your conversational partner has disconnected.

   Stranger: show me yo titties
   You: Do you have a problem with man boobs?
   Your conversational partner has disconnected.

   Stranger: up for cam sex
   You: Grandma?!!!
   Your conversational partner has disconnected.

   Stranger: hey
   You: Are you a creeper?
   Stranger: yes i am
   Stranger: sorry
   You: Thanks for admitting it.

4. Yesterday I was standing on the bus and, of course, all of the bondage and escort ads fell out of the newspaper¹ I was holding and fell on an old woman’s head. She looked very dismayed that a whole lot of transvestite hooker ass had just rained down upon her face. D:

5. I just noticed that I get a lot of DANIEL RADCLIFFE IS GAY and nip slip spam on this blog, for some reason. Sometimes going through my Askimet filter gives me serious lulz.

   Also, related to spam, why this week is NOTSOME: Tila Tequila porn spam. D:

1. My fellow Seattle people will not be shocked to hear it was The Stranger, a free weekly paper with copious amounts of picture-ridden escort ads. ↩

A Blog in Five Parts

Today I have a trilogy blog in five parts¹.

Part I: Seven Five Things You [Probably] Didn’t [Want] Know About Me

Chanel tagged me for this a while back, but it took me a while to think of seven things.

Actually, it took me so long to think of seven things that there are only five things.

1. I have a lip piercing (more specifically, a ‘Monroe’ piercing). I got it in August. To clear things up: I’m too old to rebel against my parents, society doesn’t really care if I pierce my face. It’s cute. My mom hates looking at my face now, but that might stem from the fact that I just turned up with a shiny new piercing on the same day my brother got his eyebrow done; now he’s addicted. No, we didn’t plan it. Just a coincidence.
2. I was once voted Least Likely to Be Murdered by a group of friends. Perhaps this will help in my Zombie Survival Guide (see Part II).
3. I’ve recently been informed by someone who has much more money than I do, that it’s sad that the only designer item I’ve ever owned are glasses² Who has money for designer clothes? Optical insurance covered all but US$20 of my glasses. Is there someone who will pay for 90% of my clothes³ too?
4. I love listening to languages being spoken, even if I have no idea what’s being said. I find languages fascinating which is another reason why I love to study them.
5. I once seriously considered going to culinary school to become a pastry chef.

Part II: The Zombie Survival Guide

Part one of my zombie survival guide, which will focus on necessary skills for surviving zombie attacks–mainly skills you should work on acquiring now before the event of a zombie attack, robot uprising, and/or civilian revolution against a corrupt government, will be posted as soon as I type it. It’s written in my head, I swear. And it’s also made me realize how many of these skills I lack. I’ve never fired a gun and I can’t drive. I also need to start working out pronto. At least I can run fast, even in my current state.

Part III: Wisdom Teeth

I was supposed to have my wisdom teeth out ages ago because they are were impacted, but I only get a certain amount of money for my dental insurance annually. In years previous, I’ve needed cavities filled and root canals…canalled. And I simply did not want to have all four impacted wisdom teeth forcibly extracted from my face.

I finally got it done on the last day of November and ended up spending the next week in hell. Projectile vomiting isn’t as fun as it looks in The Exorcist. Dry socket wasn’t fun either. Boo crap dental insurance and wisdom teeth. Who decided those were a good idea?

Part IV: Erectile Disfunction

I keep getting spam on one specific entry about erectile disfunction except it’s in Italian so it’s really about disfunzione erettile.

Part V: MySpace Rants

I also have a post written up about my love/hate relationship with MySpace (in which I don’t love it at all, but grudgingly use it anyway). To post or not to post?

I can’t be the only one who has to use MySpace in order to find and keep up with old friends and hates every moment of it. MySpace makes my normally intelligent friends look like idiots who have no concept of aesthetics!

1. And thus begins a post with too many strikethroughs and footnotes. ↩
2. I just got reading glasses on top of my usual glasses. I forget to put them on and when I finally do put them on, I forget to take them off and don’t understand why I can’t see anything. They’re by Coach and that apparently means something. They’re also adorable. ↩
3. Except there’s no way I can afford to pay for 10% of a designer outfit. ↩

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