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Cynthia Davis, a state representative from (shocker) Missouri, opposes subsidizing school lunches for low-income children because, and I quote, “[h]unger can be a positive motivator.”

She continues, suggesting that if kids just get jobs at McDonald’s then they will receive free food on their break.

I pretty much hope that the 20% of children considered hungry in Missouri go and eat her.

Ms. Davis neglected to mention when her hunger strike will begin so she can get motivated to resolve the hunger issue in her state. She also avoided the question of how she manages to sleep at night.

Colbert is amazing, as per usual:

Okay, I understand people find the holiday season stressful. I also understand that people find the prospect of being snowed in stressful.

However, this does not mean you can throw a shopping basket at me when I tell you that the Transformers DVD that is on sale today (or, rather, Saturday when this happened) will not be on sale tomorrow, even if you put it on hold at guest services.

Yes, I’m serious. A “guest” threw a shopping basket at me because he was supposedly freaking out whilst trying to find provisions, but apparently had enough time to pick out a Transformers DVD set.

Everybody is freaking out because they think they’re going to lose power. Everybody is foraging for food. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

After I told him he wouldn’t get the sales price, he started going off and spewing a bunch of nonsensical bullshit:

1. “I’ve been living here for 30 years and…” (So what? My store hasn’t even been there for 35 years.)
2. “I’m ex-military and…” (Is that a threat?)
3. “I’ve been to three stores trying to get provisions and I don’t need this right now!” (Dude, you’re buying ping pong balls. How is that helping your search?)

Then he threw the basket at me. I backed up into the corner of my little register section and he began yelling at me to not freak out on him because he “doesn’t need this right now.”

I informed him he couldn’t attack me and that pissed him off. He said he wasn’t attacking me, to get better customer service skills, and that his generation had to deal with “it” and so I have to as well.

Excuse me? Your generation wasn’t typically known for throwing things at shop girls.

After I give him his receipt and run away, I get sort of freaked out. When someone’s in my face, I don’t really back down. I finally found my manager, who I normally hate, and she went over with security and kicked him out of the store.

This is where it got interesting: He started rambling about being ex-military and war and some incident in Germany and whatnot.

Here’s the thing: he was only about 35, max. There is no way he was ever in a war in Germany. And again I say, so what? What does Germany have to do with throwing a basket at me?

Bastard.

On Saturday my entire family plus my brother’s girlfriend packed up into the car to drive an hour and a half¹ south of Seattle to celebrate my brother’s birthday with my aunt, uncle, and great-grandmother².

His birthday was actually on the 24th of February, making Saturday closer to my birthday than his. But we made (another!) rainbow cake anyway. My baby brother is 16 now. This still horrifies me. Anybody living in the Pacific Northwest should avoid driving after July 2008, when he plans on getting his driver’s license.

On the way, “People Are Strange” by The Doors came on the radio which resulted in most of my family singing loudly while driving down the freeway with plenty of odd looks from my brother who did not join in. He’s really no fun.

Yeah, my family is strange. What exceptionally odd things does your family do?

1. That last half hour? Totally my dad spacing out and driving way, way past the road that would have led us to their house. ↩
2. She’s 99 and will outlive us all, I swear. ↩