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I Think It Says Something About Me That I Immediately Went to the Internets for Help Instead of Finding Out What Was Going On
Um. There is a crazy man I’ve never seen before in my life in my yard with a chainsaw.
And my pear tree is missing.
Update:
Um. So. Apparently my dad1 hates pears.
So he found a hobo on the street.
Handed him a chainsaw.
And was like, “Hey, man, go to town. Also, have some bacon.”
And now the man with the chainsaw is screaming, “YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!” every time he revs that shit up.
It sounds like an episode of CSI: Miami up in this bitch.
I wish my life was boring.
- I get my GENES from this man. How freaking scary is that? ↩
Remind Me to Never Create Hetero Sims Again
So, my female sim is having freaking triplets, right?
While she’s in labor, her husband is running about like his hair is on fire, completely flipping out.
And then goes and gets himself some leftover apple cobbler, surveying the debacle from the kitchen table.
All the while his wife is still dropping babies all over the g-ddamn place.
And then, after the whole ordeal is over, he has the nerve to complain that HE is tired.
So I killed him.
Can One Even BE Douchier?
Cynthia Davis, a state representative from (shocker) Missouri, opposes subsidizing school lunches for low-income children because, and I quote, “[h]unger can be a positive motivator.”
I pretty much hope that the 20% of children considered hungry in Missouri go and eat her.
Ms. Davis neglected to mention when her hunger strike will begin so she can get motivated to resolve the hunger issue in her state. She also avoided the question of how she manages to sleep at night.
Colbert is amazing, as per usual:
