Sign-Up for Free Wiretapping Today, Courtesy of the US Government!

I’m fairly sure that by having these people send George W. Bush a copy of the US Constitution on my behalf, I just signed up for free (warrantless, unconstitutional) government wiretapping. The Patriot Act is fantastic¹. I’m also probably on the no-fly list. I’m going to have to swim to the UK and figure out that ocean thing later².

It’s probably sad how much I wish I was joking.

Someone should remind me to stop talking on my mobile about how much I want to 1) take over the government, 2) offer Bush a peanut just to see if the Secret Service will shoot me for attempted assassination³, and/or 3) steal Ned from Pushing Daisies and have him a) make me some pie, and b) reawaken the founding fathers so they can smack about idiots in the government. Because witnessing Bush getting taught a lesson in civil liberties by really, really dead guys is the kind of hilarious you can’t buy on television.

On an ‘eat your brain’ note, I’m definitely going to write that how-to guide to zombie survival. It’ll probably be a series of posts, actually. I’ve been watching loads of zombie movies to get ready and hone my zombie fighting skills.

Any particular aspect of zombie survival you’d like to see first? And should I tell everyone else in my house that their conversations are no longer private?

1. And by ‘fantastic’, I mean ‘completely against everything on which the US was founded’. ↩
2. Do they allow pedestrian swimmers through the Panama Canal? ↩
3. Chewing, among many other things, is an apparent mystery to George W. Bush. ↩

Contact. RSS Feed.