Spider-Squisher is an Important Role of Any Relationship

Me: Hey, are you brave?
Ex: … No. Why?
Me: There’s this huge fucking spider and my mother refuses to kill it for me. So I’m hiding in my room.
Ex: Also, I’m not too happy about anything that starts with “Hey, are you brave?”
Me: Me either. That’s why I asked you.

Aside from that spider, there’s an acrobatic spider that resides in my bedroom; I can tell from the web that goes from one corner to the opposite corner, to the door, then across the room to the window, to the light fixture, to the TV, and then to both of my bookcases and then down to my desk.

My acrobatic spider and I have an agreement: He doesn’t let me see him and he lives.

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